Compliments Your Kids Need To Hear
Everyone adores compliments: on our cooking, shoes, dress, or a job well done. We adore it even more when getting compliments from someone we care about. It’s the same for our kids – they need to hear compliments from their parents, to know they are loved and that their parents think they’re wonderful.
The most motivating compliments for children are the ones that praise their hard work and the process they use to reach their goals. But you should remember not only to praise your children for their behavior or the things that they produce; it is important that they understand that you love them for who they are, not only for what they do. Point out things you love about them – unique features of their personality such as their strength or sense of humor, and make an effort to tell them that you enjoy spending time with them, and why.
Here are some things to pay attention to when talking to your child. These are things we all often notice, but it may take special effort to say them out loud so that your child receives the positive feedback that will help him build self-esteem and confidence.
Always celebrate the moments when your child shows kindness, reliability, honesty, and trustworthiness. These qualities are especially valuable in our modern world.
2. Respect and Obedience.
It’s very easy to show disapproval when kids do something wrong. Try to notice when your child is doing the right thing, and showing obedience and respect to you and other people. Let him know that you appreciate it, and remind him of the golden rule: treating others as you wish to be treated. Your child should know that it feels good to treat others well, and these early experiences will help him grow into a kind and caring adult.
3. Celebrate Your Child As A Unique Member of Your Family.
It’s important for kids to know that you are thankful to be their parent, and that you appreciate them just because they’re there. A simple and genuine “good morning” when they wake up, or “I’m glad to see you” at the end of the school day will help your child to understand that you really are glad to have them around.
4. Praise Their Contributions
Kids should know that what they do matters. Thank them for clearing the table, putting out the trash, washing the dishes, and helping out around the house.
5. Quality Matters
Often, children will do what you ask as quickly as they can because they have learned that listening to parents or teachers will make those adults happy. It is important to help your child learn that quality matters too. Thank him for trying, but also teach him how to slow down and do his best work. Then, you can compliment a job well done, and your child will learn that the effort is worth the reward.
6. Compliment His Efforts, Even When The Outcome Is Not What You Expected.
Your child genuinely wants to be helpful, even if they make a mess or make the job harder from your perspective. Compliment your kid’s instinct to do the right thing, and show them how to make use of it. Offer your child the tools to get the job done: hand them a towel and let them dry while you wash the dishes, for example.
7. Notice Their Achievements
Notice when your kid works hard to reach a new milestone in sports or academics. Let them know that you appreciate their efforts, and that you’re proud of them for working hard to reach a goal. Make sure they know that their motivation and excitement to learn new skills is much more important than any trophy or high grades they might receive.
8. Appreciate Their Style
Our idea of style doesn’t always match our child’s. But remember: our children our not little copies of ourselves. They have their own ideas and view the world with a creativity we may not possess. That’s a good thing! Compliment them on how they set the table or put together an outfit. Appreciate their imagination.
9. Share The Joy
Celebrate your child’s friends also. Just as you wouldn’t criticize or belittle your own child, don’t criticize their friends either. Your kind comments will be a model for your child and his friends of the kind of person they should be.
If your child knows that you are looking for good things, they will rise to the challenge, and they might even surprise you in many good ways. Genuine compliments make a person – child or adult – more fun to be around. The goal is to enjoy your time together, and if you model an attitude of appreciation and gratitude, your child is likely to reflect it back to you.